"personal".... very personal

When you get bored, Craigslist is a fabulous place to hang out. More skeezy ads than any other mainstream classified site.

This one's a beaut:


I am looking for a personal assistant for one of my small used car dealerships. Must be motivated with good work ethic, great attitude, experience is a plus, Full or part time hours available. I want someone with a good personality and customer service experience preferred. If you think your skills will meet my expectations e-mail me your resume and a picture of your best customer friendly smile. thank you. Compensation: Pay based on job skill level

What kind of "Job" skill? *ahem*

Yeah... Why doesn't it just say, "I'll pay you $7 an hour for the privilege of being harassed. More if you have a nice rack."

Truth in advertising.

Asleep at the Percolator...

I drink coffee for a number of reasons, one of them is to stay awake.

As such, I would find it beneficial - no, necessary - that the people making the coffee are awake for the process of doing so.

In that spirit, I am glad to see that the people at Mama Bears Cafe are awake.

I suppose they meant "Conscientious" as in free trade coffee, recycled paper cups etc. But it's entirely possible they do really mean "Conscious".

It is after all, Lansing. Which is sometimes a funny town.

I'm awake now. Or at least my inner vocabulary wonk is.

map o rama

love maps. kinda a freak that way.

tuned out. ya down wit' it?

M & I joking around this past weekend, being completely dumb:

(To the tune of Naughty By Nature's 'O.P.P')

Me: "You down with OCD?"

M: "Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am!"

And... today at work:

John is in our office, reaches over and strums a finger lazily across Justin's guitar, sitting next to the chair.

Wendy: "Play us a little ditty, John."

John: "A little ditty about Jack and Diane?"

Me: "Me and P Diddy, doin' crack in my vaaaaannnnnn...."

Good gracious, we're pretty stupid sometimes.

oddities...

I was found by an old schoolmate on Facebook. A guy whom I remember as being very, very intelligent, and math-smart. Other than that, I didn't really know him well.

So after he's added me as a friend, I go check out his profile. He's got a photo of his book cover. He's e-published a short story collection. Including one about a handful of brothers who, after the death of their mother, turn into corner-shitting child-savages running in wild orbit around their house, forgoing school, bathing, sleeping and all conventions, while their emotionally shattered father sits on a chair, catatonic while cobwebs grow upon him.

After this, for some odd reason, I click on an intriguing ad for a book called, "The death of the Poem" and on the author's website, sample prose involves a man negotiating with the cockroaches in his apartment, offering crumbs in exchange for the six-legged ones retreat to hidden places whenever the lights come on. No such luck, however; as the hoard approaches menacingly, he adds a jar of jam to his list of concessions.

This week, I've been reading a book called, "Water for Elephants" about a man's adventures working in a depression-era circus. Certainly full of freaks, but also some very amusing and interesting characters, least of all the fantastical adventures of the circus itself.

I brought it up in conversation the other day with a coworker friend, as we were discussing what we're reading. And she mentioned that she took a few books to her book club, but they weren't really well received by the other book club members. I guess some of the members couldn't appreciate reading the memoirs of a rock star.

I think I'm going to have to star my own book club, for people who don't want to read David Sedaris, Maya Angelou or whomever is on Oprah's list this week. Maybe it'll be the Illiterary Society of Kalamazoo.

detrius

File Under Random Crap:

1. Can't find Chanel Gardenia ANYWHERE. Except for Tester Bottles online, being offered by re-sellers of questionable authenticity. It hasn't been sold in department stores widely, for about a year and a half. Which means that bottling of testers probably ceased almost two years ago. Like I want to spend $80 on a bottle of alcohol that's been baking in a warehouse somewhere for two years, turning into foul who-knows-what. *sigh* How disappointing.

2. It's spelled ChipoTLe. It's pronounced Chi-POAT-lay. Not Chi-POLE-TEE. Sheezus. Pet peeve, sorry. Not very nice.

3. Earth Day is the new Christmas. Jiminy Cricket, would you look at all the commercialized crapola that's got green leaves all over it? Perhaps the most egregious is the Vanity Fair "Earth Day" issue. The best take on it comes from AdAge's Larry Dobrow. :

Dude, I had a kickin' Earth Day on Tuesday. First I replaced all my compact fluorescent lightbulbs with incandescent ones, then I forced Jeffrey Sachs at knifepoint to buy stock in ExxonMobil. Upon failing to locate a neutralize-thy-carbon-footprint megaconcert featuring Lenny Kravitz on TV, I commiserated by swigging basement hooch from styrofoam cups, which I proceeded to tear apart, dip in butter and feed to endangered snow leopards. At the end of the day, I burned down a vast swath of rain forest -- just because I could.

And yet I still celebrated the holiday more responsibly than did Vanity Fair, whose 286-page green-themed issue is as environment-simpatico as a coal tree. I might be a hot-water-drippin', electronic-device-chargin' reprobate, but I'm also not presenting myself as the paragon of gracious living. Vanity Fair, on the other hand, slaps itself on the back for publishing roly-poly polar bear pix and Robert F. Kennedy Jr. think pieces about the environment, even while the mag shuns recycled paper.

Funny, vicious and on-point. I love reading Larry Dobrow's stuff.

Well, that's all for this week's version of the Trixie. Go hug a tree. Thanks.

proof positive: the world is going to hell

To quote one of my college buddies:

Sweet.
Holy.
Shit.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/independent/thehottieandthenottie/trailer1/


Only the writers' strike can explain this.

physics: time relativity

I know they tell you not to grocery shop hungry, but still...

New discovery:

Laws of Physics: Time Relativity

"The Principal of Grocery Inversion"
The amount of time it takes for the grocery checkout line to progress is directly proportional to how hungry you are.